Parental Fatigue: It is Real

                                                               Saumya Nigam


Nikita, a 34 year old homemaker, has two children aged 8years (daughter) and 11years(Son). Initially She used to be there for her children all the time and strove to provide them optimal care and support. She used to help them manage their school work ,extra-curricular activities,and proper health and nutrition. Presently, she is facing various challenges. Her elder child is very active and needs to be engaged continuously with some activity  or the other. 

The younger one has entered primary school and is experiencing difficulties with the online classes. Both the children demand for equal and increased attention from her. With growing children and their needs, her workload has increased drastically and her husband is notable to share the responsibility due to his frequent touring. 

Nikita feels exhausted and strives to maintain a routine. But she does not have  time or energy to spend time with her children and attend their emotional needs. She has become cold and irritable. Her children often complain and say “Mumma , aap badal gaye ho.” Also they have started getting scared of her and there is frequent shouting & screaming.. 

Nikita feels bad about her behaviour and begins to think of herself as a terrible mother.   


Many of us may relate and identify with Nikita and. experienced a similar set of events especially during the lockdown. What she is experiencing is parental fatigue technically termed as Parental Burnout defined as. “a state of physical, emotional & mental exhaustion, often experienced due to prolonged and continuous exposure to overly demanding situations.” If you have lost interest in previously enjoyable activities, experience frequent exhaustion, change in sleep pattern and eating pattern, irritability, or disturbed metabolism, it’s maybe time to notice the signs of burnout and address them


Effects of parental fatigue: 


  • Moving away from children to conserve energy 

  • Increase in feelings of anger, sadness or anxiety, and may lead to scolding or beating the children.

  • Decrease in spending time with the family due to constant experience of fatigue.

  • Children start distancing themselves from you as you are not able to make yourself emotionally available to them.

  • May lead to aggressive behaviour in children as well, where they find it as an acceptable way to express their anger or irritation. 

  • Experience resentment, where you always view others in a better position than yours.

  • Feeling trapped in the situation or cornered. 


Parental Fatigue Management Techniques:


  • Think and write about the most enjoyable 5 minutes stretch of your day. Try finding it out if you don’t have one. If you have that time try thinking how this can be increased to 10 minutes. 

  • Practice boundaries or limits by clearly communicating verbally when you feel exhausted and need a break. This is a significant step towards self-care. It may be difficult initially but with practice it will be helpful in the long run.

  • Delegate some age appropriate tasks to your children () and other members of your family. Be verbal about that and make specific requests. There are chances that they might make mistakes but give them time to get along. Appreciate even the tiniest help from them by saying “You did a great job”, “I am proud of you” “Thank you” etc

  • Slowly introduce some hobbies in your new routine and try involving your children as per their age and interest.

  • Spend some time with children playing short games or watching a TV serial of their choice. It will facilitate communication and exchange of emotions while being together. 

  • Be verbal in expressing your love & appreciation as well as anger. Giving explanation for your anger helps them to understand your challenges and concerns in a better way. 

  • Share and talk about it with your friends and families. It helps when you find others being in the similar situations like yours and sharing may reduce the feelings of fatigue and aloneness.

  • Have a fixed daily routine

  • Practice some relaxing activity of your choice, may be deep breathing, mindfulness, journaling, mini-exercises, singing, painting etc. You can find a number of relaxation techniques on social media but it is always important to see what works for you. 

  • Practice self-compassion by telling yourself that “it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them”. 

  • If needed, reach out to a professional counsellor.



“Parental Burnout is real.

No one can do it all.

It’s time to give up the myth of the multi-tasking superhero.

Give yourself permission to accept that good enough is perfect.”

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